


Just Another Useless Being

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, Langst, i'm projecting here, might continue this, strong language used, why must I hurt my son?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lance is tiredNo, That's not right. Lance has always been tired this is just different.He's forever tired. Tired of life, tired of trying, tired of caring, just tiredBut this is something much more greater, a much more sinister and nasty tired. The tired that drives so many to death. Tired of living or more specifically, tired of the shit life dealt Lance.He stares down at a blank piece of prestige white paper and his signature blue pen as a bottle of mystery medication he found somewhere on the ship sit beside him.He's going to tell them all what drove him to this dark emptiness that refuses to let him breathe, to tell them what keeps him up at night wondering why he's still breathing, to let them know why he can't do much anymore.He's going to tell them about how he's just another useless being.





	1. The Beginning of The Storm

**Author's Note:**

> I made this just to try and get some of my inner feelings out.  
> I'm sorry son Lance I love you I swear

Lance is  _ tired  _

 

No, That's not right. Lance has always been tired this is just different. 

 

He's forever tired. Tired of life, tired of trying, tired of caring, just tired

 

But this is something much more greater, a much more sinister and nasty tired. The tired that drives so many to death. Tired of living or more specifically, tired of the shit life dealt Lance. 

 

He stares down at a blank piece of prestige white paper and his signature blue pen as a bottle of mystery medication he found somewhere on the ship sit beside him. 

 

He's going to tell them all what drove him to this dark emptiness that refuses to let him breathe, to tell them what keeps him up at night wondering why he's still breathing, to let them know why he can't do much anymore. 

 

He's going to tell them about how he's just another useless being. 

 

*  *  *

 

_ " I hope I don't need to remind you that the only reason you're here is that the best pilot in your class had a discipline issue and flunked out.  _ Don't  _ follow in his footsteps. Next!" _

 

Iverson yelled in my face, reminding me that i’m nothing but Keith’s replacement… stupid Keith with his fucking mullet. Who the fuck even has a mullet anymore? 

 

I need to prove Iverson wrong, that making me a fighter class pilot wasn’t a mistake. I need to be better… I have to be better! 

  
  


“Since we can’t find Shiro and he said that he wanted me to be the next black paladin, we will need to reassign lions…” Keith said. You could tell by his tone of voice, posture, body language, and the fact that he never made any eye contact that this was hard for him. I was a little nervous that I might have to leave blue but hopefully Allura will just take the red lion and the rest of us can keep our lions… hopefully. 

 

“Hunk and Pidge you two get to keep your lions” That’s not good. If I get the red lion then it will be just like back at the Garrison. I refuse to be Keith’s replacement  _ again _ . 

 

“Allura will take the blue lion-” no no no no no no no no no “And Lance… you’ll take the red lion.”

 

_ All you are is Keith’s sad pathetic replacement  _

I could feel the anxiety creep up my neck. I could feel the depression slowly enter my brain. I could feel the tears beginning to stream down my face. 

 

_ You’ll never be anything but his replacement; as soon as Shiro gets back you won't be anything  _

 

But won’t I be the blue paladin again…? 

 

_ No, blue will like Allura more and will never accept you again, you’ll be useless.  _

 

“Lance… are you okay?” Someone asked me but I couldn’t tell who. The voices in my head were all theirs. They were all talking too much. I walked out of the bridge without another word making my way to blue. As I reached her, she gave me a disappointed growl. 

 

“What’s wrong blue?” 

 

_ She doesn’t want you anymore. She wants Allura. She doesn’t want you anymore.  _

 

I walk to my room… I don’t let anyone in. I don’t eat dinner that night. I just lay in bed staring at the wall. 

 

*  *  *

 

_ “Lance! Stay focused!”  _

 

Shiro yells through the comms. 

 

We were training as Voltron since Shiro came back. I was back in blue, but everything felt off. It felt as if blue wasn’t happy. I knew she wasn’t happy but I couldn’t tell what it was. 

 

_ She hates you  _

 

No… i’m blue’s paladin- 

 

_ No. Allura is. Blue wants Allura, not your sad whimpy ass.  _

 

“Lance! Watch out!” A boulder like object flew right for my lion. I tried to move but I couldn’t. I was hit head on… Blue will probably have a nasty dent after that hit… 

 

_ Look what you did. You’re going to have to fix blue. Don’t you even dare to burden the others.  _

 

“Lance what was that out there?!” We stopped training and separated Voltron so that we could talk out the problems. 

 

“I-I don’t know” 

 

“What do you mean you don’t know! You were out of it this entire time. Maybe you should take a break.” Shiro was anything but happy… I failed the team 

 

_ You can’t do anything right. Idiot _

 

I know. 

 

*  *  *

 

_ “No no no that’s not right! That’s not how you do it Lance!”  _

 

I was training with Allura to do some diplomatic missions, I kept messing up the formal greeting for the Lolians. The Lolians are very strict with how you greet them; if even one thing is off you become a public enemy. 

 

“I’m sorry Allura, i’m really trying but this is difficult” I could just by her expression that she didn’t believe me… time for another scolding. 

 

_ Look at you, how many times have you been scolded by the team?  _

 

I-I don’t know… 

 

_ Exactly. You’ve disappointed them so much that you lost count you dumbass  _

 

“How is this  _ difficult _ ?! I could do this when I was 5!” 

 

“I know” 

 

“Well obviously you don’t as if you did then you should be able to do this by now!” 

 

“I’m sorr-” 

 

“Well sorry isn’t going to cut it Lance! What is is learning this!” 

 

_ Look at yourself, you’re so pathetic. Allura could do it when she was 5. You’re what? 17?  _

 

I know, I know. 

 

I know. 

 

*  *  *

 

_ “LANCE!! YOU JUST MESSED UP EVERYTHING!!! GET OUT!!”  _

 

Oh no. I… I had just stepped into Pidge’s room to tell them it’s dinner… I g-guess I stepped on something? 

 

“I-I-I’m so sorry Pidge-” 

 

“IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY SORRY YOU WOULD BE OUT OF MY ROOM BY NOW!!” They were right. I quickly stepped out of their room and instead of going back to the dinning room, I just went to bed. 

 

_ Can you do ANYTHING right?  _

 

No… no I can’t 

 

_ Then why don’t you go to the airlock and let yourself float out in space and die?  _

 

Because I can learn to be good at something. 

 

_ You and me both know you can’t  _

 

… I know … 

 

*  *  *

 

_ “Will you ever not be annoying?!”  _

 

Oh god. I just went to tell Keith that he should take a break from training but I guess he thought I went to be annoying? 

 

“I guess not” I said barely above a whisper just meant for me to hear. 

 

“What?” 

 

“N-Nothing just Sh-Shiro wants you to t-take a break from training BYE!” I ran out of there as fast as my lanky stupid fucking legs could take me. 

 

_ See?! Everyone only sees you as an annoyance. Nothing more, anything less.  _

 

I know… I know too well. 

 

I’m starting to agree with the voices in my head. They tell me to just stop and they sound right for once… how have these people put up with me for so long? 

 

_ They thought you would stop but they finally snap because of your dumbass  _

 

I-... I know. 

 

_ You better know.  _

 

*  *  *

 

_ “Lance no- *sigh* can you just… I don’t know… do something else?”  _

 

Oh fuck. No no no no. The people I thought could never hate me… Hunk and Coran… 

 

_ Everyone hates you just kill yourself.  _

 

“Umm, ya. I’ll see ya I guess.” 

 

“Ya ya ya just go do whatever.” 

 

That one hurt. 

 

_ They have no regard or your feelings. Just go and die, they wont care. They never have.  _

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Okay. 

 

Maybe I will. 

 

_ Good.  _


	2. His Eyes Couldn't Tell His Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update.  
> I'm sorry for making some of you cry but I promise everything will be better... soonish.

Hunk had felt bad about snapping at Lance, it’s just that he and Coran had been trying to fix the same part of the castle since Shiro had gone missing(Let’s just say about 2 months) and they still had no idea what was wrong. They thought having Lance with them would keep them calm, ease their never ending stress. But Lance was just sitting around staring at the tools and taping around like his usual curious self. Which wasn’t very helpful.

 

Now Hunk was usually fine with Lance’s nature but with the ship deciding to die on them constantly he was more stressed than ever.

 

He planned to grab two plates of food goo and have a chat with Lance in his room. Hunk hadn’t seen him at the table or kitchen in a long time so he was worried for his friend.

 

Hunk had knocked on Lance’s door. And heard muffled… sobs? And like Lance was rushing around trying to hide something…

 

“You good in there buddy?”

 

“Umm y-yeah. Perfect” Now that was weird. Lance only stuttered if something was really wrong… this isn’t good.

 

“Mind if I come in-”

 

“NO! I-I mean y-y-yeah, just g-give me a tick” Oh god Lance really isn’t good. Oh god no.

 

“Hey bud, how are ya?” Lance said in possibly the most forced voice Hunk ever heard. You could tell by his slightly damp face that he just washed his face… maybe he just put on a face mask and took it off?

 

“I’m pretty good, how ‘bout you?” He pushed the most disgustingly forced pained smile on his tanned skin. It hurt Hunk to even look at it.

 

“I’m perfect, as always!” Lance said this with his signature smirk and finger gun combo. His eyes didn’t meet Hunk’s… ever. And Hunk noticed. His usual beautiful crystal blue eyes that always held a strong smile changed to a deep, dark and scary blue that almost looked black. It looked like they would swallow you whole and never let you breathe. Like they would latch onto your very soul and make you see the world in black and white. The good being a blinding white and yourself and all things bad a deep crushing black. They seemed devoid of any light, hope… of any life.

 

“Uuhhh, Lance. Your eyes… they look so… dark. Are you 100% sure that you are okay? You can tell me anything buddy you know that right?”

 

“Ya ya, I know. But really I’m fine just… just a little tired.” His mouth stretched across his face as if he was hiding a deep frown. His eyes looked cloudy. He’s hiding something. And if he won’t tell me then… I’ll have to send in the mice for some assistance. Allura would be more than happy to help. Everyone was pretty worried about Lance. He’s never been so quiet.

 

“Okay. I brought you some food goo incase you get hungry. Everyone cares about you Lance, we want to make sure you’re okay.”

 

“Thank you and I know.” With that he shut the door and I walked away to talk to Allura and of course the mice.

 

*  *  *

 

“Hey princess, I just talked to Lance.”

 

“Oh good, how is he?”

 

“He said he’s fine but…”

 

“Oh no”

 

“Ya… I could see in his eyes that he was hurting… do you think you could send in the mice to check up on him? See what he’s hiding?”

 

“That’s a brilliant idea Hunk! I’ll get right on it. I be sure to tell you anything that the mice tell me.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“No problem…”

 

*  *  *

 

 

Lance’s had was shaking violently.

 

After his chat with Hunk he knew he’d have to be better at hiding it… at least not for much longer…

 

The paper had blue words scribbled all over it, along with scratches to indicate a mistake and a few spots that were darker than the rest of the paper… tears.

 

He heard a faint squeaking at his door, Lance knew immediately it was the mice. They would all often visit him. He opened the door, let them in, checked the hall and shut the door.

 

“Hey…” Lance was so filled with pure dread that that was all he could mutter.

 

_Oh my god you are such a weakling. Good thing you’re killing yourself._

 

“*sigh* ya… I guess it really is good. Now I can’t annoy anyone anymore, they get to finally get rid of me.” Lance had gotten so used to the voices words that instead of answering back in his head, he would just answer back out loud. If that doesn’t scream ‘DEPRESSING’ I don’t know what would.

 

The mice gave him a quizzical look as if asking ‘Who are you talking to? What are you talking about?’

 

“God i’m so fucked up. I’m talking to myself about fucking killing myself to mice. MICE. God thank you for killing me now!” The mice seemed to have looks of shock on their little faces and quickly ran for the door. Lance of course opened it and decided that his note was done.

 

It would all finally be over.

 

*  *  *

 

 

“WHAT!? Oh god I have to find Lance now!” Allura ran out of the bridge to try and look for Lance. She didn’t have time to contact the other paladins the time it would take her to find them could mean Lance’s death. She couldn’t even try to risk that chance. She ran for his room first.

 

The door was wide open. And guilt filled Allura like a waterfall. She knew that it was partly her fault. Her training with him a few days ago was too tough and she _knew_ that. And she was so mad at herself for saying that he knew it when she was 5 because even though she did it took her **years** to get it down right. She started that ritual when she was 2 and only just got it when she was 5. And Lance was doing well, he was a fast learner and that’s why Allura wanted him to be her diplomatic mission trainee/assistant.

 

“DAMNIT!”

 

“Allura? What are you-”

 

“NO TIME TO TALK PIDGE LANCE IS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF AND I HAVE TO FIND HIM FAST! TELL THE OTHERS!! QUICKLY PLEASE!”

 

“WHAT?! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!” Pidge dropped their laptop and sprinted to the training deck determined to find someone _anyone_ there that would help in the quest to help find Lance. The person they saw as an older brother.

 

They felt so guilty for yelling at him. They were going on such little sleep because they were desperate to find not only Matt and their father but also at the time Shiro. And the plug he pulled out was they’re _charger_. It wasn’t even that important but they flipped because they were so frustrated and tired and hungry. When they arrived at the training deck Shiro was training with Keith.

 

“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING BUT YOU NEED TO STOP BECAUSE LANCE IS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE AND WE NEED TO FIND HIM, LIKE YESTERDAY!!”

 

“What’s wrong with Lance?” Shiro asked in possible the most concerned dad voice in the universe.

 

“HE’S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF!!” Shiro had the most mortified look on his face and ran like hell was chasing his ass with a fiery vengeance. He knew it that he was at fault, if even just a little. He scolded Lance so much for no reason and every time he felt so guilty. He was just so exhausted and knew that Lance could handle it. Lance was so tough and would often take a hit or too for the team so Shiro just took out his exhausted frustration on the already fragile blue paladin.

 

Keith stood still in shock. Lance? Wanting to commit suicide? That doesn’t add up? But it did and Keith knew that he was at fault too. He still remembers Lance’s face on the lion reassignment issue. Keith should have had Hunk comfort him. He should have tried to talk it out with him. But he was so scared to be Black’s new paladin that all he cared about was finding Shiro as soon as possible. He quickly called the training simulation off and ran in the other direction of Shiro to try and cover more ground.

 

After Shiro found Coran and Hunk he quickly told them and they both held extreme sadness in their eyes and began to help in the search for their friend. After searching for a while they all, on their own whim, headed to Lance’s room.

 

The door was shut.

 

“Lance please let us in!!”

 

.

.

.

 

_Silence_

 

“FUCK! LANCE PLEASE OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR WE JUST WANT TO HELP YOU!” Hunk was in tears and swore. This was serious.

 

He was meet with more silence.

 

“MOVE I’M GOING TO RIP THE DOOR OFF!” Shiro shouted in fear of losing his teammate and friend. Shiro used his prosthetic arm to literally rip the door off.

 

They found Lance unconscious on his bed.

 

Pidge fell on the floor and broke out into sobs of absolute _pain._

 

Allura looked at the sight with tears streaming down her face.

 

Hunk screamed no with so much force you’d think it would bring Zarkon back to life.

 

Shiro looked on with horror.

 

Coran ran to the paper, read it quickly and examined the bottle. It was of a drug that Coran took to get sleep. He knew the amount Lance took... he could fix this...?

 

Keith ran to Lance’s side, felt for a pulse, and began to scream Lance’s name while shaking him. He was shaking himself and crying like everyone else.

 

“GET HIM TO A POD NOW I CAN GET HIM BACK!!” Coran yelled and I swear to you everyone sprinted like their very lives depended on it

 

And in a way,

 

 

It did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update will be all over the place so i'm sorry if I leave you guys on like a month long cliffhanger(it probably wont happen as this helps me through my issues so it's like cleansing.)


	3. Fuck... I'm So Sorry

No one dared to leave the med bay. 

 

No one dared to look anywhere but the pod that Lance was currently in, lifeless. 

 

Coran had dealt with overdoses before as he took medical training and was the main med on a ship that wasn’t planned to come back home for  _ too long _ .

He knew how to help and was filled with a joy that wasn’t right for the time. 

 

He tried to help his team but you can only do so much when the main person of light was technically dead in front of everyone. 

 

The only time anyone ever left was to get food for the rest of them. Hunk and Pidge never left. 

 

Hunk had been friends with Lance since fucking preschool. He knew about Lance’s mental state and help the best he could but he could only do so fucking much when Lance hid it more than anything else. 

 

Pidge was overcome with so much grief that they just  _ sat  _ in front of Lance’s pod never talking to anyone. Pidge had already lost their dad and brother and had left their mom without another word, now they lost someone that cared or them like a brother. 

 

Shiro stood and paced and never talked to the fragile team in front of him. He’d sometimes sit next to one of them and he’d just cry. Shiro knew that pretty much the entire team saw him as the ‘dad’ and he was fine with that really, he saw them as kids  _ anyway _ . He almost never cried. Not even when he was captured by Zarkon, but when someone that you care about just drops dead with little to no explanation, you can’t help but feel melancholy. 

 

Keith stood and sat at the back of the room. He didn’t feel like he should be there. He and Lance were just about always butting heads. They were a really good team together with their combination of opposing skills but they never got close like the others. They were polar opposites so of course it would take longer or them to get along. But when someone that you were just laughing with yesterday just fucking  _ disappears  _ you can’t help but want to be alone. 

 

Allura sat on the floor staring at Lance with eyes almost as lifeless as his. Allura was really close to Lance. They often stayed up at night puttin on facemasks and talking about anything and they other listening. She told him about his father and her home planet and he told her about Cuba and his parents. They bonded over their mutual homesickness. Lance was like the sibling she never had. He was her friend on the ship and it was nice to have him pamper her and make her feel okay for once. They told each other  _ almost  _ everything and Allura felt like she should have seen this coming. 

 

The room was full of silence except for the occasional sniffle or sab here and there. They all cared too much about Lance. 

 

Coran had all grabbed them a few blankets and pillows not expecting them to leave the room to just sleep, then again neither did he. He stayed with them and was filled with just as much grief. Lance was like the son he never had and had slight favoritism for the boy. Lance had this aura to him that was like  _ home _ . Lance was comforting to everyone and it was pretty much common knowledge. It felt weird to be all together but not feel at home. At peace. Coran had a very close eye on Lance’s vitals like a hawk and keep the team updated. 

 

No one in that room was okay. 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Especially when Lance’s health was deteriorating. 

 

At that point they all huddled into a small circle and just sobbed and cried and lied on each other. They were trying to accept the fact that Lance might not wake up. 

 

Lance had been in the healing pod for a good week and a half… 

 

“I hate to say this but I’ve dealt with a lot of things like this and no one has been in a pod for this long…” 

 

No one said anything and they just processed this information trying to understand that Lance might not wake up. 

 

They all lost a track of time and luckily no one attacked them. But even if they did Allura put up the particle barrier and put the ship pretty much on auto pilot. 

 

*  *  *

 

_ WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT YOU IDIOT!! _

 

I-I-I don’t know!! I-I should be dead!! 

 

_ WELL YOU AREN’T  _

 

YOU THINK I CAN’T TELL! I WANT TO BE DEAD SO SHUT THE FUCK UP 

 

_ YOU CAN’T TELL US TO SHUT UP-  _

 

WATCH. ME. 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Finally… 

 

I made them shut up… I did it… 

 

_ “Lance… listen to me please. Coran said that you can hear us.”  _

 

Is… is that Allura? If she’s come to remind me that i’m not good enough than she doesn’t need to. 

 

_ “I know that I told you that I got that ritual down when I was five but what I didn’t tell you is that I starting training that ritual when I was 2… you were learning faster than I was and i’m so proud of you and i’m so sorry.”  _

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

What? Allura was training when she was 2? 

 

_ Don’t put yourself down… she’s a princess she had to do training when she was young. She just met you.  _

 

Y… you’re right… 

 

_ “Lance! Please come back to us! The reason I yelled at you was because I was running on no sleep and i’m sorry! You didn’t mess anything up I swear to everything!! Please I can’t lose another brother!”  _

 

Pidge… 

 

_ They miss you Lance…  _

 

I knew they would but… not this much… The last time I was in a pod they were distracted by a fucking clock. 

 

_ What you didn’t see was them all flocked around you worrying about you. They all got distracted because they were so tired  _

 

R-Really? 

 

_ Yes _

 

Wait who are you? 

 

_ I’m sorry Lance for being mad at you for listening to those voices in your head. I was mad because you weren’t listening to me or your friends… my dear paladin everyone cares to much about you to lose you. I understand that you are anything but happy but let everyone, including myself, help you.  _

 

Okay. 

 

_ “The only reason I ever yelled at you was because I was tired and knew you could take it… Fuck… i’m so sorry.”  _

 

Is Shiro actually crying because of me? 

 

_ Everyone was _ .

 

Really? 

 

_ “My dear boy. Hunk and I were mad at you because we were tired and the ship wasn’t working and we didn’t know what was wrong.”  _

_ “Coran’s right. Lance i’m so fucking sorry and we just want you back and when you do I’ll make your favorite cookies and you can tell me everything and i’ll help you like old times!”  _

 

Hunk just swore because of me. 

 

_ Yes he did.  _

 

I really fucked up didn’t I Blue? 

 

_ I hate to tell you but yes. You really messed them all up.  _

 

Fuck. 

 

_ “Hey Lance.”  _

 

Keith? I wouldn’t think he’d have anything to say- 

 

_ Just listen to him.  _

 

_ “I-... fuck i’m sorry okay? I should have talked to you about the lion reassignments and I should have helped you more. I saw how sad you were and I didn’t do shit about it and fuck i’m so fucking sorry that I messed up. I know damn well you remember that bonding moment and I actually do remember you from the Garrison and i’m sorry I fucked up so badly.” _

 

I fucked up so badly and I need to go back now and I need to apologize back to them because they shouldn’t have to. I should have talked it out with them god damn it fuck Blue i’m sorry i’m so sorry god fucking damn it I want to go back Blue how… how do I go back how do I say i’m sorry. I don’t want to die Blue! I DON’T WANT TO DIE I WANT MY FRIENDS I’M SO SORRY! 

 

*  *  *

 

“Is-... Is Lance crying?” 

 

“Oh my god he did hear us didn’t he” 

 

“His vitals are improving significantly. He’ll probably be out tomorr-” 

 

Coran was interrupted by a hissing sound. 

 

The hissing of the healing pod opening up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add tags later on... who knows
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (I do)


	4. NOT AN UPDATE!!

Okay so this isn't an official update but I do want you guys to answer a question I have or you

 

And I 100% want your honest opinion.

 

I'm thinking of  _possibly_ adding Klance to this but it's still really up in the air. 

 

I honestly don't care i you guys are like "Fuck no keep this ship free" or if your "YASS!!11!!1 KLANCE!!!11!" or the ever so rare "I dont give two fucks as long as long as you continue this." 

 

I just want to know cuz like I can't decide so ya... 

 

Please i'm an indecisive bastard that depends on people liking them and their content. 

 

please no lying just the honest truth. 

 

I don't even care if you hate the ship with a burning passion I just want to know

 

_(also please don't fight in the comments I swear to god no)_

 

 

 

* * *

 

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!

 

I have decided that there will be very  _very_ minor Klance(it'll be there but like... rarely) and i'm going to focus more on team relationships and justifying that they are the best space family and could kick my ass in 0.00005 seconds and i'd be fine with that tbh. 

 

There's already a LOT of klance so I wont tag it but I promise it will be there... just small. I don't want it to focus on mainly klance but how Lance is with everyone. 

 

I'm sorry to those that aren't 100% happy with this plan but... oh well your lose

 

I enjoy writing this and seeing everyone's comments are so uplifting(I'm so sorry to the plethora of people I made cry)

 

I hope you all have a wonderful life and thank you all so much. 


	5. I fucked up/Allura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The process of healing starts

Everyone bolted upright from their sitting position on the floor. Pidge being closest to the still limp Lance got to catch his full body weight thus throwing them both to the floor. 

 

But Pidge didn’t care. All they cared about was that Lance was alive and breathing. 

 

“Oh my god you’re okay you’re okay you’re okay you’re okay! You are really okay!” 

 

“I am, I really am.” Lance was tearing up and just hugged Pidge beneath him. He sat up and held them. 

 

“I-I’m so sorry. I should have talked to you guys… I’m so sorry.” Tears were welling in his eyes but by this point no one in the room even remembered what dry eyes felt like. 

 

“It’s okay my boy. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” Coran held this look of just joy, so did everyone. And it overwhelmed Lance. 

 

He burst into tears. 

 

No one stopped him. 

 

“I-I-I’M SO FUCKING SORRY! I DON’T DESERVE YOU GUYS!” 

 

“Yes you do you lanky son of a log.” Hunk said with such a softness that Lance couldn’t help but feel better instantly. 

 

“You know what? I do… Everyone don’t just stand there I came back from the dead for you people so you better get to hugging.” 

 

Everyone complied without a word. They were holding Lance so tight that he could feel himself be put back together. He felt loved in that moment and never wanted to leave. And everyone seemed to get his wordless message and they stayed like that for a good while until, in almost perfect unison, their stomachs growled. 

 

Lance burst into a laugh that everyone had almost forgotten. It was so contagious they joined in as well. 

 

*  *  *

 

A week had passed and Lance was fine with the fact that we wasn’t allowed to be alone for a while. He understood completely and smiled lightly when it was proposed to him. 

 

He felt loved. 

 

He continued his training with Allura and she had turned from a disapproving nanny to a loving mother. More so encouraging Lance than putting him down. 

 

“I’m really sorry Lance… I don’t know why I was being so tough on you really…” 

 

“Possibly a lack of sleep. It’s fine Allura really, it happens to the best of us. And I did hear what you said when I was in the pod… it took you  _ 3 years _ to learn this ritual?” 

 

“Yes, and actually… you’re already doing better than me when I first started. You’re a really fast learner Lance. It’s quite interesting.”

 

“Thank you Allura, that means a lot.” 

 

“I know.” Allura outstretched her arms for a hug and Lance gladly obliged squeezing her like he would his sister. He saw Allura as one of his older sisters. They let him play with their hair  _ only _ if he’d listen to them whine which he did happily. He got to do that with Allura pretty often.

 

“Now time for the real question, when do we get to have gossip time again?” 

 

“Anytime.” 

 

*  *  *

 

It was later in the night and Lance had agreed to meet up with Allura in the meeting room. There was a large open space there meant for a plethora of people for political meetings but right now it was meant for something much better. Allura, with Coran’s help, had laid out just about every blanket on the ship and Lance would come in with every face mask and hair and skin products as he could carry. 

 

Lance entered and immediately sat down behind Allura to play with her long soft hair. It’s something they did often and Allura loved how Lance was so gentle with her hair. 

 

“Alright, tell me whats wrong.” 

 

“Well I mean are you okay with an hour long tangent?” 

 

“If it makes you feel better, i’d sit here listening till I’d die.” And Allura did. She didn’t die, god no, she sat for the full hour and then some listening very closely to everything Lance said. His homesickness, his feelings of worthlessness, that he sees himself as Keith’s replacement, everything. 

 

And god did it ever help Lance. He felt better just saying it all out loud and he knew that Allura was going to help him so it felt better than coming out of a coma just to blast Sendak’s arm off. 

 

After Lance was done with pouring out his heart he pulled Allura’s hair back so that she could put on a face mask. He sat in front of her and noticed something. She was  _ crying _ . 

 

“Oh my god are you okay?” 

 

“Yeah yeah just… I didn’t realize how hurt you really were and I felt like I should have seen it coming because we have this time together every so often but I didn’t see how hurt you were and i-i’m sorry Lance. I should have help you!” 

 

Lance lunged forward and wrapped Allura in a hug. 

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my fault I didn’t tell you but you’re helping now and that’s all that matters okay? You’re listening now and that’s all that matters. Now calm down so that you can keep your skin silky soft with a face mask.” 

 

And Allura did calm down. She talk a little before the mask hardened and she helped Lance with his face mask. In this moment of peace and quiet everything was okay. There was no war going on around them, everyone was happy and no one wanted to kill themselves, Pidge found all their family and Altea wasn’t destroyed. And Lance was heading back to earth. Everything was okay in this moment of tranquility and nothing could go wrong. 

 

And to them… 

 

_ Nothing did go wrong, everything was good, nothing went wrong for them.  _


End file.
